Marriage is a ‘life relationship’ between two people. Marriage principles are ways, techniques and methods that can be followed by a couple to strengthen and protect their marriage relationship. It is a fact that more and more marriages end up in divorce. The good news is that there are principles that when applied consistently can save a marriage from disaster.
Marriage is in essence the substantial union of two people and the maintenance of an oath that they will be next to each other in good and bad times.
If we accept that we have married for all the right reasons i.e. the companionship, communication, love and the absolute agreement of the heart with the logic, then what are the reasons mistakes or marriage principles that we do not follow that eventually lead the marriage into a disaster?
The mistakes that lead to a deadlock in marriage are more or less common with some variations depending on the conditions and character of each individual. A marriage ends when the two people cease to care for each other. This is the result of many emotional processes such as: anger, bitterness, stress and depression, envy and fraud, lost confidence, low self esteem, lack of communication and of course wrong choices.
What Mistakes / Principles can cause marriage problems?
1. The reason we decided to get married
Let us start from the biggest and perhaps the most important mistake: the reason we decided to get married! Unfortunately we marry for all the wrong reasons and that is why almost 50% of marriages end up in divorce. What are the most common reasons that we may get married?
Pressure from our environment: The pressures from our environment because we have reached an age close to or more than thirty and we have not yet married.
Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity that if we do not get married with the person we are together we will not be able to find another person who wants to marry us.
Sudden conditions: A sudden pregnancy, which leaves us with no other options.
Sudden love: A sudden love that ends in 6 months after marriage.
Immaturity: We are not mature enough to realize that marriage is a ‘life choice’ and takes a lot of thought and a lot of effort in order not to make us unhappy.
Wellness: The economic comfort has now become a key criterion when selecting a spouse in today’s society.
Non-logical thinking: The young age that can lead to hasty decisions without any logical thinking!
2. Our great mouth!
This is one of the marriage principles that people fail to follow. What happens in most cases is that we open our mouth and say anything that comes in our heads without first applying the “filter of logic” on the spoken words. As a result from our mouth we throw words that wound the other person, words that create sour, disappointment, offensiveness, and words that most often we do not believe… but unfortunately the negative effect they create is hardly forgotten by the other half.
Rather this situation creates the first problems in the story of our marriage. The lack of respect towards our spouse is a mistake, which by time makes the two people enemies rather than being in love.
3. Lack of communication
The failure to actively listen to our spouse is another big problem. People have become very selfish. We tend to do more talking and we have forgotten to listen. We are always correct and the other person is always wrong. We do not do any self-criticism but we tend to continuously criticize our partner.
We rarely hear what they are saying to us and even more rarely we do something to change what may have disturbed or wounded them. As a result of this we end up with no speaking but watching television. Neither of the two wants to listen, see or feel.
20 Marriage Principles for a happy marriage
After identifying the reasons that create problems in a marriage, the next step is to take some corrective actions to solve those problems and give the marriage a chance to be successful. One of the ways to do that is to follow some proven marriage principles.
Marriage principles are in essence things that you should do and things that you should not do or say in a marriage. If the couple follows these principles then the chances that marriage will be successful are increased.
1. Be fair, you are not always correct
Be fair with your self and partner and have always in your mind that you are not always correct. You may be sometimes wrong in your decisions and thoughts. It is a fact that when two people disagree, the truth is somewhere in the middle. And when two people separate then certainly the blame is in both. If from time to time we forget the middle ground and we do not compromise then this will create severe problems to our marriage.
The marriage principle in this case is to compromise and accept the fact that you are making mistakes and sometimes exaggerating more than needed.
2. Do not promise anything you cannot do
If the marriage was based on our many promises, but these promises were never made into reality, it is perfectly logical to be full of frustration and anger. The words and promises are made too easily when we love and when things go well. But when you get into a difficult situation things change. This is the time to stop the unreal promises and start making actions.
3. Everybody makes mistakes
Accept the simple principle, that all people make mistakes. The mistake is part of human nature and we should be able to forgive and look to the future. If we rehash the mistakes, and if in any disagreement we mention one hundred other reasons we should in the past being angry with our partner, then this will kill our soul and will fill it with anger and bad memories.
4. Respect to be respected
Perhaps while we promised respect, eternal love and devotion, we do not follow this oath? Maybe we did not understand that the marriage is a commitment to life and we must respect and honour the person with whom we connected our lives. Showing lack of respect to our partner, whether occasional or on a permanent basis, is perhaps the biggest mistake that we do. When respect is not mutual in a marriage then it is more likely that marriage will end up in a disaster.
5. Show your interest to your partner
Marriage is like a flower that wants watering every day or else I will be destroyed. So we must not rest on the fact that now that we are married we should not show any interest in our partner but let things as they come. It takes a lot of trouble and struggle to maintain quality and a genuine relationship. We need every day to show our interest in our partner not only in words but also in deeds.
6. Be consistent
We need to be consistent between words and acts so that the other person can trust us. Even taking care to be together and supportive in every difficult moment of our partner and not only look on how we can have a good time.
7. Be open for discussion with your partner
All issues and disputes must be settled and resolved through dialogue and not by absolute positions that are dogmatically imposed from one person to the other person. As a good principle, do not avoid discussions and never try to impose your opinion on your partner. Everybody has his or her own opinion and this should be respected. In case of a disagreement the best way to find a solution is through discussion.
8. Do not take advantage of your superiority
Do not exploit your possible superiorities in a particular area over your partner. For example if you are in a better financial position or have a better job than your partner do not try to take advantage of that and make your partner feel inferior. Instead, as a principle try to support and help your partner to improve with out criticism.
9. Make mutual decisions with your partner
Decide together for the birth and education of your child. No one has illusions that everything will be rosy and everyone knows that within life there is routine, boredom, and disconnection. You need to have patience and faith in the strength of the relationship and always try to find ways to tackle a difficult situation together through dialogue and mutual decisions.
10. Do not neglect your partner
In the context of marriage you have to give your partner the attention he/she deserves. You should not always deal with your work or children and neglect your partner. The principle is that you should have a balance in your life, so as to manage your time efficiently and have enough time to devote to your partner and family.
For those who like quick and easy to remember ‘rules of thumb’ here are 10 more marriage principles you can easily follow to make your marriage better.
11. Do not get nervous all the same time
12. Do not shout to each other unless the house is on fire.
13. If someone must win a ‘fight’ then let the other win.
14. If you must judge and criticise your partner then do it with love.
15. Do not repeat mistakes you made in the past.
16. Neglect the word around you than neglecting your partner.
17. Never go to bed without being in terms with your partner.
18. Try at least once a day to compliment your partner.
19. If you make a mistake, be ready to admit it and apologize.
20. It takes two to make a brawl, and usually the one that is wrong talks more.