People with low self esteem are unhappy, miserable and they are always full of negative feelings. To improve your self-esteem you have to focus on your own unique abilities and characteristics and also on things that you like. It is not an easy thing to do but low self esteem can be improved and raised to a high level.
We all have our insecurities. At times ourselves disappoint us, we find it difficult to believe in our capabilities, we question our worth and feel small and hopeless, especially when compared to some people who we admire, or that we consider models or simply believe that they represent what we think is of value and importance.
Even people with a high degree of self-confidence and self esteem have moments of self judgment and self denial. These crises are normal and expected. They are part of the human nature, at least as it has shaped in our days. In fact they are necessary for our reorientation process in life: where I am, where I go and what is my relationship with others? But are problematic and painful when they dominate your everyday life: When our every thought is about how incapable we are and how others are better from us.
Causes of low self esteem
The major cause of low self-esteem is the way we think. Our thoughts constantly rotate around the shortcomings, the medical disabilities, our weaknesses, and we lost the scope of our good and strong sides.
Negative feelings
Usually prevailing negative feelings of sorrow, anxiety, fear, shame, guilt, which intensify the feeling of failure and make more difficult any attempt to get out of this disadvantageous situation we believe we are.
Feelings of inferiority
Our relation with others is suffering from the feelings of inferiority and the difficulty to feel equal with them and worthy of love, friendship, or appreciation. Any criticism and doubt to our self is perceived as a complete rejection.
Poor relationship with our bodies
The relationship with our bodies is rather poor, which sometimes this is reflected in our attitude. Bad eating habits, excessive weight or otherwise, overeating are some very common reasons why we may not have a good relationship with our bodies. Also, some they either neglect their appearance or instead do not dare to appear in front of others if they are not perfectly dressed or «made».
Low Self esteem has its roots to our early age
When we see ourselves as less and inadequate, usually such a feeling has been installed in us from an early age and has become entrenched over the years.
Children age – How parents can facilitate low self esteem
The overly strict, critical, not encouraging attitude of parents, lack of confidence in their children because of their uncertainties, coupled with often very high expectations is one of the reasons that someone can end up with low self esteem. Continuous comparisons with other child, who can manage things better, can create a fertile ground on which to develop a belief that «the others deserve more, are better than me».
Often parents are the harshest judges. Usually they expect from their children to do everything that they did not achieve. Thus, they monitor and record anxiously our weaknesses and fail to see their children as people integrated, multifaceted and mostly quite different from themselves. The tragedy is that we eventually make the opinion of these people (our parents) as our opinion. We consider it to be the unique and irrefutable truth, while in fact it is only an opinion and even woefully distorted.
Teenage years
The adolescence is often a period during which one feels weak and incomplete, always comparing themselves with others. They always find the other to be better, always more beautiful, smarter, thinner, taller, fit, dynamic, social, pleasant, interesting, funny, talented. The comparisons often become devastating: Frustration, despair, grief and anger is the result. For our good luck, at the end of this period of our life, usually there is a balance between what we see in others and what we believe in ourselves. This process leads gradually to a more stable self esteem and to an «identity», as often called. But some people seem to remain stuck or return by the slightest difficulty in this teenage vision of their selves, which sees everyone else to be better and more capable. They look like they are in constant search of «failure» and generally feel they do not deserve much: «I do not deserve, and cannot manage much, everyone can manage better than me».
17 Ways to improve your low self esteem
To be able to see the more positive site of ourselves, it is necessary to challenge the image that we have about us and convince our selves that we can improve our low self esteem and that we deserve it.
1. Learn to listen to others
We need to look to others and to begin to hear what they have to say about us without being bias: «It says so out of pity», «It says so because he does not know». Instead of judging their views, it is better to listen, think and evaluate their opinions.
2. Identify your real goals and objectives
We need to look a little to ourselves and to find if all those chasing objectives is indeed our own wishes and needs or these are residues from what others are waiting from us.
3. Identify your strengths and weaknesses
We need to admit (not easy and painless) that maybe there are some things we cannot do. Usually this happens not because we are totally incapable in a field, but because if we look to ourselves, we will see that it does not have such importance for us so as to want to fight for it so much.
4. Recognize your potential
We also need to admit that we can manage certain things very well, even when we thought we could not do it, or when it was something insignificant at the time of doing it.
5. Challenge your standards
5. We need to challenge our standards. Many times we believe that other have an amazing life. How many times we are jealous of something we see in others (their jobs, their relationship, their happiness), and at the end we discover that things for them were not so ideal after all.
6. Set goals you can achieve
We need to set realistic goals we can achieve. To reach the top, we must pass from low and intermediate stages. Sometimes it is necessary to stand against ourselves as we stand against a worried, despondent child. We need to be patient, respective to our selves and concentrated on our goals. Nothing is easy to achieve if we do not make the effort to try and make it.
7. Be realistic
The feeling that others are always better is almost always one side of the coin, on the other it writes in large letters: «You should be the best from all!” It is difficult, if not impossible, to get rid of the feeling of inferiority and incompetence if not simultaneously ask what we expect from ourselves and whether this is realistic, appropriate, timely, ultimately desirable, and if consistent with our personality and the way we have set up or we will set up the rest of our lives.
8. Stop comparing yourself with others
Stop comparing yourself with other people. If you play this game and get into this kind of mentality then most likely you will compare yourself with others in a negative way. This will have the effect of damaging your self-esteem further. Why continue to play this game where you have set the rules against yourself, and the changes of winning are minimal.
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9. Do not under-estimate your self
Don't keep underestimating yourself. You cannot improve your self-esteem if you constantly underestimate your skills and abilities. This does not only affect the way you feel about your self but also affects the way other people feel about you. Also do not punish yourself for "mistakes" that you possibly made - learn from your mistakes and make them work for your benefit.
10. Compliment yourself
When you do something good or satisfy one of your goals compliment your self, do not just ignore the fact that you succeeded. Give your self the message that you deserved it and that you worth the praise. In this way you will not only succeed in improving your self-esteem but also you encourage others to praise and acknowledge your abilities.
11. Find your inspiration
To help your self find the lost inspiration take advantage and use life coaching programmes, workshops, books on how to raise your self esteem and web sites on how to manage your life better and personal development. Whatever material you see, read it carefully and try to understand the ways you can use to improve your self esteem and confidence. Give your mind food for thought and always believe for the best results.
12. Socialise with people that can inspire you
Socialise with positive and supportive people. Who you associate with influences your thoughts, actions and behaviour - another form of subliminal learning. Negative people can put you and your ideas down and it this will lower your self esteem. On the other hand, when you are surrounded by positive and supportive people, you feel better about yourself, which helps to raise your self esteem. Try to learn how to develop your positive personal support network.
13. Realise your positive qualities and skills
Acknowledge your positive qualities and skills. People with low self esteem constantly judge themselves about their inefficiencies and skills. They never appreciate their many positive attributes and abilities. To improve your self esteem you need to learn how to truly affirm and value your many excellent qualities. If you cannot do this yourself, ask your friends and family to tell you. For sure they will come up with things you would have never imagined.
14. Search for your needs
Stop putting up with stuff! Not voicing or acknowledging your needs means that you are probably tolerating more than you should. Find out what you're putting up with and zap those tolerations. By doing so, you're giving yourself the message that you're worth it.
15. Make positive contributions to others
Make positive contributions to others. This does not mean that you constantly do for others what they could be doing for themselves. But when you do make a positive contribution to others, you begin to feel more valuable, which increases your sense of your own value and raises your self esteem.
16. Do things you like and enjoy
Involve yourself in work and activities that you love. People with low self esteem they tend to stop doing activities that they like and enjoy. Even if you're not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies and activities.
17. Get rid of your low self esteem today
Start taking action! The universe rewards action. Backing away and avoiding challenges means that your self esteem muscles become weak and flabby. When you start to take action -regardless of the outcome - you will start to feel better about yourself, develop your self confidence and raise your self esteem.
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