Even though many people understand the importance of self confidence and self esteem, unfortunately many of us do not realize that our confidence is low and that we need to find ways for building our confidence and self esteem. Even those who understand it, they do not know how to improve it!
In today’s world with such increased obligations to our personal and professional live, the security that confidence and self esteem gives us is more than essential. If you have confidence you will win the respect of other people around you. Confidence and self esteem is not something that can be hidden when it exists.
A pre-requisite in building confidence and self esteem is to first understand what causes the reduction of self esteem and what signs in our behaviour indicate that we have a low self-esteem problem.
Low self-esteem, more often stems from the way we see ourselves and not by the way others treat us. Experiences from childhood or teenage may have affected and may have distorted the image we have for ourselves.
Also other frequent causes of low self-esteem is the abuse of all kinds (physical, verbal, psychological) the sharp criticism we may have received as children by our parents. Some experiences that made us feel shy or even humiliated during childhood or as adults and finally the requirement set by ourselves or our parents to be «perfect».
People with low self-esteem often receive (or continue to receive) the following messages from their environment: that they are unsuccessful, that they have low intellectual level, that they are not capable.
Some of these reasons and in the worst cases a combination of them, results in a sense of low self-esteem. We need to emphasize here that our experiences from childhood alone are enough to reduce our confidence because during childhood we create some entrenched views about ourselves that are difficult to change later in life as adults.
How we can understand that we have a low self esteem?
If we feel without any particular reason that we are ugly, unsuccessful or unwanted and if we continue to feel like that even when we take exactly the opposite messages from our environment, then unfortunately we are captive to the vicious circle that we lack confidence and self esteem.
People with low self-esteem are usually hypersensitive, sheepishly, feeling rejected by others, find it difficult to take decisions, they are offensive, they always shout to get attention and they need continuous confirmation for their value from others.
People with low self-esteem usually choose to shut themselves and be isolated from others and often become aggressive in order to do that. Many times they talk about themselves and they try to persuade others of their value. The coverage of their insecurity is based on the excessive visibility.
In some other cases people with low self-esteem are too modest to the point that reduce themselves and their achievements because they believe they are not as important as other people tell them.
Another characteristic of people with low self-esteem is that they try to copy and imitate others who believe they are successful. If there is confidence and self esteem there is no need to imitate the personality of another individual. Unfortunately, this action instead of strengthening the confidence of the people it mocks them down even more because anyone can distinguish the difference of authentic from the copy! Thus, their confidence is reduced even more.
Building confidence and self esteem
Accept your self as it is
Our first step towards self-improvement is to accept our self, with its advantages and its defects, just as it is. Nobody is perfect and we all have points in our personality or appearance that could be improved. But this self-improvement analysis should not take us under. Instead, it should give us the courage and desire to fight and to become better. The defect is a human characteristic. We should love our faults because it is an integral part of our unique identity and personality.
Change the way you “see” yourself
Self esteem and self-confidence is reduced because we tend to attach too much importance to all our negative points while turning a blind eye to our positive points. We must change the way we see ourselves! It is always good to know our self but this knowledge should not lead us only to the discovery of what we do well or on all those things we have to change. Self-knowledge is the possibility of us to recognize our talents, our successes and our abilities. We all have special talents that only if we accept and recognize them we will be able to raise them to the surface.
Start small – plan big
In order for us to increase our confidence and self esteem, we must have some victories in our hand! We first need to set small goals, which we can achieve. Slowly – slowly we can build our confidence and we will start to believe that we are capable to achieve even more difficult goals!
Always think positive
Positive thinking! We should stop thinking the worst for our abilities and ourselves. When the inner voice of pessimism and insecurity begins to shout in us, we should make it stop! Yes, we can achieve things! Yes, we are capable and deserving! Yes, we are attractive and cannot deal with everything! To make others believe in us, you must first believe in ourselves.
Do not always blame yourself
We should not blame ourselves for everything. We ought to realize that we should not get all the blame for things that happen in our lives. In other words, if someone rejects us this does not mean that we fail in love. It could be simply because our chemistry does not fit with the other person. If we were rejected for a particular job, this does not mean that we do not have the background and abilities to work. We were simply not the right person for this job and this does not mean that we are not the appropriate person for another!
Nobody is perfect
We must get rid of our perfectionism and accept that all people, rightly or wrongly, have flaws and weaknesses. That is the beauty of all of us. We should have an objective view of ourselves and we should be fighting with all our strengths to achieve our goals. We must dare to take risks because success requires some risk. We can take the risks only when we have faith in our selves and only when we learn to appreciate our abilities.
If we manage to win low self-esteem and build confidence, then we have managed to get rid of all the burdens that keep us away from our dreams, wishes and our needs. If we win ourselves, we will be free to create, to dare to take risks to succeed and to claim all that we want for ourselves.